i just had sex bonerless
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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