Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
