I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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