he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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