i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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