woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
