but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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