Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
