I want to have your abortion
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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