Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
