Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
