this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
