if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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