Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
