Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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