STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
