I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
