Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
