My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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