sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
