you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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