You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
