Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
