Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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