did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
