no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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