took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
