You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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