We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
