I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
