Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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