I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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