Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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