Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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