why didn't you poke me back
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
