two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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