my being single is dangerous.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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