Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
