Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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