running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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