I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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