So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I AM VODKA MAN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
