im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
