woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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