i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
