She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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