Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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