I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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