Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
