today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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